New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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