I think I won the penis lottery.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
