Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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