I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
How does one acquire holy water?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
