Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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