Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize