..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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