New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
