just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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