He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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