So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
