Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
