After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
