Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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