Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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