I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
