you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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