And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
