I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
