I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
