he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
