Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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