you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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