Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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