And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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