Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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