I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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