On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
