Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
