so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
