Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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