you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I have aggressive nipples.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
