I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I deserve this hangover.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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