dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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