I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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