last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
