tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
