just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
