i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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