i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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