Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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