just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
