You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
