i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
