worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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