im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
