You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
