If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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