Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
