So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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