Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
