and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
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