pop tarts are not kleenex
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
