i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
