we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
