i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i now understand why vodka
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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