you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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