Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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