I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
