I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
