Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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