i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
