just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
