9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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