Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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