you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
