I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
ok first of all what the fuck
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
