my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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