she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
pray to the hookup gods
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
