Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
