then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
